Voir Dire: Ken

"Ken Lewis."

I stand.

Breathe.

Take a step.

I can barely feel my legs. They weren't supposed to be questioning me this wasn't supposed to happen Trace is looking at me Adie is looking at me everybody is looking at me and oh dear God I cannot mess this up.

I sit down, place my feet against the floor, and pause.

"Miss Lewis?"

I look up, grit my teeth to push away the fear. "Yes."

"You live with Trace Cain and his family?"

"Yes."

"For how long?"

"Three months."





 "Why?"

"Because I love him." I say the words bluntly, almost harshly, but Trace looks up slightly, and I realize it is the first time I have said the words aloud.

Vivien Anise raises her eyebrows, then nods, ever so slightly. "Now Ms. Lewis, I am told you have not always known care yourself?"

I stiffen. "My dad left when I was young."

In the back of the courtroom, Brock stiffens, and I hate this, hate that my family is hung out for the whole world to see.

"And you were in foster care for a few years?"

"Yes. My mum was in rehab."

"Did you feel you were well cared for during those years?"

"No."

She looks appraisingly down at me. "But you feel you are qualified to help care for these children?"

"When you know what it's like to be alone, it's easier to make sure that the people you care for don't go through the same thing," I say fiercely, clenching my fists and trying to breath.

The judge pauses, looks at me as if she's seeing me for the first time. "I suppose it would be. Can you tell me what life at your house is like, Ken? On a daily basis?"

"Good."

"Can you provide any detail, Ms. Lewis?"

"Umm...Trace and I work and Rory and Drew and Adie are in school. After school, if I'm off work, I pick them up. Otherwise, Kinley picks them up and takes them home, or Miles helps out, or Mauri sometimes."

"Is Mauri your mother?"

"Yes."

"Do you feel she is qualified to care for children when she left you for several years?"

Mauri sits bolt upright, and I realize that I hate this Vivien Anise more than I have hated anyone in my life. "My mother is the most capable woman I know. She went through hell so she could come back and be a mum to me. She lost a daughter and a husband and a best friend, and she fought through recovery so she could come home to me." I realize my tone is more of a snarl, so I cut off abruptly.

Sara is smiling triumphantly at my outburst, and Trace looks fearful.

And then I know.

I know what I have to do.